Archive for the Charisma and Dating Category

ESL way to be more charming.

Posted in Charisma and Dating on September 17, 2011 by asianalphaman

Being English as my second language, I’m constantly striving to improve my English skills. I believe, a true measure of your command of a language is how well you can understand humor and joke in that language utilizing what you already know. It’s not how much you know the grammar and words of that language, but it’s how much you can communicate in a limited foreign language to influence people. That’s why I met white guys who know only limited words in Asian language make Asian girls laugh hysterically; on the other side, I seldom met Asian guys could do the same to girls in any other races. I think that this comes down to the wit of the speaker and his ability to think on the spot. Overall, it’s communication skills that counts!

For those like me who are not naturally street smart and an ESL speaker in this white male dominated society, we can start work on being a good story teller, being funny and witty is a great way to build rapport with people. In my experience, the most practical way to learn to tell a joke is by modeling those who can do it well.

A few points to share from my experience:
– Keep the dialog down using short stories in sentences with a punch line. (prep-written conversational homework)
– Strive to speak with a clear and command language. The more concise, the more powerful. (Accent reduction. Learn to use power phrases. Preparation counts!)
– Non-verbal communication is critical, so be expressive like Bruce Lee (Youtube is your great resource. Take notes!)
– Appearance isn’t everything, but it’s hell important in communicating one’s self-image! Dress to impress accordingly to the situation. (Study fashion magazines or consult people in fashion)

I’m sure that there are more to this. I’d love to hear from every one to share their ESL experience.

Looking to make your personality more attractive?

Posted in Charisma and Dating on May 23, 2011 by asianalphaman

I recently came across this amazing article that covers the topic beautifully. It helps me understand my surrounding and people better. Thought to share with everybody in the same pursuit as mine!!!

Click Here for the Article

Getting Life in Shape with Bruce Lee

Posted in Career and Money, Charisma and Dating on February 20, 2011 by asianalphaman

Bruce Lee is my idol all my life. There aren’t  still many Asian men nowadays in America who can exude the level of masculinity like he was.  I found myself often looking back to him for inspiration when I felt down or stressed-out.  Recently, I turned to him again for some guidance on how to lead a better life.  I came across this article by Henrik Edberg who had some good insights on the application of Bruce’s philosophy. I think it’s a good idea to share with every one.  For the complete article, click here.

The author points out Bruce’s 7 fundamental concepts that resonate very much with me. In response, I tried to sort out my thoughts by following the author’s approach.

1. “As you think, so shall you become.” – What are you really thinking about today?

This concept brings out a very conscious reminder to me that what I want to become for getting into the game in the first place. The man that I’ve always wanted to become. Am I living congruency to my thought? Is it in line with my reality? How am I getting back on track to work on myself?

2. “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” – Simplify.

This is like another punch to me. Everything that the author said about this concept hit on my spine. He tells me to focus. Gotta get yourself out there. Just do it.

3. “To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”- Learn about yourself in interactions.

I was like…omg…this is exactly what I’m trying to do in order to improve my game with women. It’s hard sometime to notice yourself consciously during the interaction. Oftertime, my mind just can’t rev up fast enough to tune in to others. I often try to play back in my mind to study what I could adjust better next time.

4. “Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.” – Do not divide.

Actually I find this one pretty hard to apply in life, where you have to fight your ego logically because the ego likes to divide from others. I’ve improved over the years to manage to put my ego aside to certain extent. It’s the only way to learn from others through conscious observing.

5. “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” – Avoid a dependency on validation from others.

Wow, this is so true. We learn that women respond to such kind of men. The guys who’re naturally good with women don’t have this problem. I wonder if that’s because they have plenty experience so that they don’t need it anymore. I also wonder that how a guy who never had validations from women can become self-validated. I think ‘experience’ is the dirty secret of the naturals.

6. “To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.” – Be proactive.

Bruce and Henrik are both absolutely right on the point. The only way to succeed is to look for it.

7. “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” – Be you.

I don’t know how much this concept affects me. Everything I do is toward this goal, but it’s just so hard to do without conscious effort and proactive self-guidance. This whole game thing is designed to simulate the naturals. Hopefully, we’ll be one of them later. Like others questioned Bruce before, how can I find my own way without a way? How can I get there? I guess everything gotta start somewhere.

Let me know what’s your take. Feedback are always welcomed.

A Voice of True Asian Alpha Man

Posted in Charisma and Dating with tags , , on March 29, 2010 by asianalphaman

Speaking of Asian alpha men, one just can’t mention about him. Yes, that’s the legendary Bruce Lee.

Looking at the way he presents himself in front of people just made me in awe this time.  I know he’s a very smart guy and have a huge respect for him; however, I simply didn’t pay attention to him from a charismatic angle before.  What defines charisma of a person. Wikipedia defines one who is charismatic is said to be capable of using their personal being, rather than just speech or logic alone, to interface with other human beings in a personal and direct manner, and effectively communicate an argument or concept to them.

Although he has an accent, his vocal control is impeccable in such a way that people naturally are drawn into him, let alone the content of what he says.  The confidence that he exudes is just aspiring. This is passion. There’s no need to define what it is.  People can feel it.  His body language sub-communicates an authentic and self-assured man with vision and direction in life.  How can he not attract people into his life?

“A recent poll at Quizilla revealed that 35% of women and even 16% of men admitted that Asian icon Bruce Lee is sexy…Bruce Lee was sexy, because he was an alpha male.  He was fearless, physically fit, ultra-disciplined and could hold some killer eye contact with the best of them.  You could be even sexier than Bruce Lee and redefine the modern sex symbol for your local Asian community.”  For more info on the article, please check Is Bruce Lee Sexy? Sex and the Asian Community In America

Here’s an article on some quick tips to bump up one’s charisma that anyone can use immediately – 8 Keys to Instant Charisma

Being Likable

Posted in Charisma and Dating with tags , on March 25, 2010 by asianalphaman

The Charismatic Man What separates guys that are good with women from guys that are not are the way they think and do things.  Having a good look certainly helps out a lot, but it only take you so far with women.  For someone just starting out in the similar quest of mine, I think that the first step is to learn to get better with people in general.  I believe that you can learn to be likable.  This is different from kissing people’s ass.  Look around you, how guys that are good with women live, start to think like them and start doing the things they do. You don’t have to be them and you’ll never be.  You’ll have to develop your own style.  “Take what’s useful to you, and discard what’s not,” said Bruce Lee, one of my all-time role models.  The more you’re liked, the happier your life is.  I dug through my hard drive and found an article on the topic.  It’s a very good summary that addresses characteristics of likable people.  I do notice that most of these characteristics that my friends who’re good with people have, and some of these that I didn’t exercise much in the interaction with people before.  You can make them as part of personality traits by conscious efforts.  Without any changes, I re-post the article here.

13 Characteristics of Likable People by Sebastian Drake

1. Smiling – People who are at ease, confident, and happy tend to smile, and that smile puts people at ease. Smiling shows that you’re pleased to see someone which can be really flattering. If you want to change one thing to come across more social, smile a big smile. Sometimes you will not feel in the mood to smile – however, if you choose to smile anyway you’ll still get the great results.

2. Eye contact – Maintaining eye contact when you talk to someone draws them deep into conversation with you – the rest of the world slows down, and you both become quite important to each other. It shows a calm confidence in what they are saying and it makes them even more engaging, almost hypnotic. A quick tip: Right eye to right eye. Look from your right eye to the right eye of the person you’re talking to. This strikes a great balance between good eye contact and not staring.

3. Touch – You’ll consistently see magnetic people reach out and touch others. Touching shows emotion and affection and brings you closer to other people. Humans crave physical contact with others, and more emotion and affection can be expressed through touch than any number of words ever could. Next time someone does or says something you really like, give them a high five, some “pound”, a playful punch on the arm or a big hug.

4. Not talking about yourself – Likable people typically are more curious to get to know other people and don’t talk about themselves as much. Likable people are always looking to find out more about the other person, what they are doing, and what interests them the most. Most people don’t feel heard – likable people know this, and encourage others to talk about what they really enjoy.

5. Not talking too much – Closely related to the above point.Likable people and high status people do not talk too much. Instead they encourage others to talk and to open up. People love to talk about their experiences and cool things they’ve done – when you become more curious and encourage them to speak more, they’ll actually like you more. If you catch yourself rambling for a while, an easy way to adjust is to say, “But that’s enough about me – what about you?”

6. Empathy – Making people feel understood, and striving to truly understand them is powerful. Everyone wants to be understood. People want to know that they are not alone in the world. If you can reach out to understand another person, you’ll instantly form a great connection with them. Next time someone tells you something heavy that you could have a long discussion on, instead try saying just “I understand.” You’ll be amazed at how uplifting it can make other people feel.

7. Not trying to impress – Somewhat accomplished people want everyone to know about the accomplishments they’ve made. Really amazing people are much more humble and low key about what they’ve done. The most impressive people never actively try to impress people. The result is that a man trying to impress communicates that he’s not impressive.

8. Showing praise and appreciation – Whenever you see anything you like in another person, let them Down To Earth know. If people aren’t used to you opening up, praising, and appreciating constantly, you might get a funny reaction at first. Once you’ve established that you’re constantly on the lookout for great things in others, people get used to feeling empowered around you. When you do mention something you really like, keep it casual. No big deal, no long talk. Just, “Hey, I really appreciate that you did that.” “I thought that was really cool how you did that.”

9. Never criticizing, ever, for any reason – Likable people never criticize others. People universally hate criticism, and hate people that criticize them. Likable people always start off with genuine praise and appreciation before trying to give constructive feedback, and will only give this feedback rarely (because likable people understand that praise is a much better way to help people change than even constructive feedback, and criticizing is almost always useless).

10. Not trying to fix other peoples’ problems – When someone tells you they have a problem, but doesn’t explicitly ask for your help, that means they do not want you to tell them how to solve it. They want to feel understood, cared about, and empowered. Over 90% of the time, people know the solutions to their own problems. If someone brings a minor problem to you, try listening, nodding, letting them know you understand, and you’re with them. Tell them you believe in them and you think they’ll sort it out. If they ask what you’d do, maybe make a quick suggestion but don’t drive the point really hard. As crazy as it sounds, most people do not tell others about their problems in order to get solutions; they want understanding, empathy, and reassurance. People are very strong and quite good at solving their own problems when believed in.

11. Eliminate negativity – Never mentioning anything you don’t like. Especially never being down on culture-wide things outside of your direct control: So, not complaining about the government, pop culture, fashions you think are silly, activist groups you disagree with, and so on. Being positive is really good. Not talking about things you dislike is even more important.

12. Never complain – When people complain, others feel slightly less inclined to be around them. It brings people down. If you don’t like something, you have two choices: Take action to fix it, or accept that it’s there. When you realize that, there’s no reason to complain.

13. Never impose weakness on others – Everyone feels down from time to time. The most charismatic people never “impose” that down feeling on others; instead, they’re a fort of strength for people around them. The more you stay composed, and refrain from showing being phased or flustered, the more you gain control over your life. People start to respect you more, and they feel they can rely on you.